you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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