so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
