Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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