what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
