i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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