why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
