So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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