Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
