she woke up with a sticky ear
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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