I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize