I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
