just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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