I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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