i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
