Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My balls are so social today.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I checked into jail on foursquare
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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