i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
