I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
