he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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