You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
