Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
