so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
