turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I touched a dick in church today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
