were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
