I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have aggressive nipples.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
