Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
