i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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