We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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