I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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