I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
