so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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