You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
