I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
