he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
