Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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