He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
