I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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