On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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