I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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