Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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