I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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