Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I forget how to act sober
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