I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
