What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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