??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
