We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
