You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
