So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
