In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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