you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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