If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
