she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
