I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
