It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
