so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
