I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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