I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
