i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
