I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
