I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
