Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
