She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
