Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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