loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
