Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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