similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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