I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
