Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
