p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
