Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
