Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
