WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
