i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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