Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
