if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
