I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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