I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
