When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
