Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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