I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
